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最後一次


“Maybe is time to be clear about who I'm. I'm someone who is looking for love, real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love.” Carrie said.

     - Sex and the City, Season 6, last episode.

  每當我想起哥哥,我都會問自己:我曾經在追求什麼?我還想追求什麼?

  朋友說:「這麼多個過客,他和你最合襯,因為你倆都有顆破碎的心。」我笑著回答:「我可還有顆心嗎?」。

  每個受傷的人戴上玩家的面具時,只知道這是最能夠保護遍體鱗傷的自己,殊不知這可是一個詛咒的開始。正當我們遇上愛而想把玩家的面具撕下時,才發現面具早和皮膚融為一體,一旦撕下便只剩下血肉淋漓的身軀;為免被嫌棄,為免被放棄,只能堅持著當初保護自己的決定。

  再一次放棄重生的機會,再一次放棄愛。

  重回遊戲人間的路軌上,背誦著相同的口訣、心法、招式和對白,無非為取得勝利,得到更高的分數。愈高分的人,就愈怕錯誤,愈不能接受自己的缺憾,軟弱,失敗。從小學校教育我們,只有不斷向前,才會獲得更好;卻沒有教育我們該如何去選擇,辨別什麼才是最適合我們,繼而維持所擁有的。

  最美麗幸福的愛情,是第一次戀愛,亦往往被自己親手拋棄;其後人海中浮沉數十載,所有怦然心動的感覺早就杳如輕煙。站過站後,你問自己最想得到的是什麼,答案是:「最想有一個站我是可以停下來,不再走或是不用再走。」

  縱使我們曾經found love in a hopeless place,再戀棧往昔也是徒然,麥田從來都是單程路,但求在這段路程終結前,能夠用盡全力放膽再愛一次,證明我們在傷痛中存活下來。

  把石膏拆卸後,行走只是基本生存技能,能跑起來才是我所追求的。我們已學會拯救自己,那就當任性,傷害自己,最後一次;亦感受愛,最後一次。

Five Two Zero's

favorite quote

#1 

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason for madness."- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

#2

We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything – what a waste!”

- Call me by your name

 

#3

We cling to memories as if they define us, but they don’t. What we do is what defines us.” - Ghost in the Shell. 

 

#4

“The true man wants two things: danger and play.  For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”- Friedrich Nietzsche

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